Trixtah ([info]trixtah) wrote in [info]dot_queer_snark,
2007-05-17 22:08:00
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The Butch Cookbook

Following on in the fine tradition of lesbian cookbooks... a collection of recipes "for the butch on her own, or the butch cooking for a femme who doesn't cook or is not in the mood".

Well, damn, what about those of us who like to cook? Jesus, I don't know about this newfangled crap - doesn't a real butch just say, "Hey, little lady, how's about you get into that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans, while I chillax in front of the footie?". Surely a cookbook implies we'd be able to read as well - I can't do that while holding my beer and whacking my be-aproned femme on the arse at the same time. Man, it's hard to do that reading thing at the best of times - my lips get tired.
Tags: stupid assumptions, wtf?

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  • 31 comments

[info]saluqi

May 17 2007, 12:28:38 UTC 5 years ago

Perhaps the femme is not in the mood because she has been annoyed beyond the point of no return by the stupid. Hot dog on a raft indeed. Even I have my limits...

[info]trixtah

May 17 2007, 12:36:25 UTC 5 years ago

Butbutbut, the "hot dog on a raft" was my favourite thing! Maybe that's not where twoo butches are supposed to put it???

*still crying with laughter*

[info]paraxeni

May 17 2007, 17:49:19 UTC 5 years ago

HOT DOGS ARE TEH SYMBOL OF TEH PATRIARCHY!

Don't you love how they let a femme add crits to the recipes? "More allspice needed sir!" Ha!

As a femme-type am I allowed to cook one of these recipes, or will my nails fall off? I'm torn between making my lovely chicken casserole and dumplings, with minted new potatoes, or hot dogs on a raft, for tonight's dinner.

[info]trixtah

May 17 2007, 23:50:16 UTC 5 years ago

Step away from the barbeque! Or the hot dogs.

Your nails will fall off, you'll cut your hair into a flattop, but sprout it everywhere else, and you'll have uncontrollable urges like fixing your car with just one screwdriver and one spanner, and grunting and spitting, and having an unnatural interest in displaced phallic symbols (hm, although maybe femmes have that latter interest anyway).

Chicken casserole and dumplings is *much* safer.

[info]jame_alec

May 17 2007, 12:59:41 UTC 5 years ago

o_O Did my diet magically change to the point where a simple vegetarian cookbook doesn't fit my needs anymore? Do I in fact need a lesbian vegetarian cookbook? The fuck, man.

[info]trixtah

May 18 2007, 09:08:33 UTC 5 years ago

Now, now, twoooo butches only eat meat meat and meat. There ain't none of those tofu-hugging vegelesbians around in Butch Cookbook land. In fact, judging by the "hot dog on a raft", there ain't no vegetables at all. Unless you count wheat (white refined flour wheat) as a "vegetable".

Actually, wasn't it the Reagan administration that classified ketchup as a vegetable? So they could say that Americans ate at least two vegetables a day (with the fries)? Or is that just one of those charming urban myths? Oh, apparently not...

[info]epeolatry

May 17 2007, 13:36:40 UTC 5 years ago

grrr!

me=butch
my partner=butch

i love to cook. i don't need some Stupid Dude's Cookbook bullshit-- butches aren't stupid men and i hate it when we're portrayed that way.

[info]alphaloria

May 17 2007, 14:35:04 UTC 5 years ago

sure, sure, i bet you're firin' up that grill every night. even in the dead of winter! because that's how a Real Butch would do it!

[info]thekerosenekid

May 17 2007, 15:03:47 UTC 5 years ago

Actually we just eat the steaks raw, with our hands. GRRRRRRR!

[info]paraxeni

May 17 2007, 15:31:00 UTC 5 years ago

Hands? Steaks? What are you, a poof? You're just supposed to go up to up to animals and CHOMP!

[info]thekerosenekid

5 years ago

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[info]paraxeni

5 years ago

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[info]thekerosenekid

5 years ago

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[info]paraxeni

5 years ago

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[info]trixtah

5 years ago

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[info]goddess32585

5 years ago

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[info]thealeticia

May 17 2007, 15:11:24 UTC 5 years ago

Well as a femme I think it's a wonderful book. I will go buy copies for the dates I'm sure I'll get now that I can promote it.

Now I can be spared the tedium of having to explain to my (old fashioned) butch how to work a stove. Think of the time I'll save! That extra time will come in handy for me to go shopping, clean the house (any books abou that yet?), watch soap operas, eat bonbons, and get my nails done.

I think it's just great. Maybe I'll put together a gift bag for my future dates, this book, a studdly apron, some beer, a whoopie cushion, hooked on phonics, y'know the things butches need.

~A happy liberated femme thanks to this wonderfully insightful cookbook

[info]trixtah

May 18 2007, 00:01:43 UTC 5 years ago

Well, I'm glad that this has given you the illumination that you needed. However, in your wee gift bag, you forgot the industrial-strength handcleaner and nail brush to get the grease from under our fingernails, and the nail clippers for that extra special grooming touch for those romantic evenings.

As for cleaning the house, well, I can't see a book on that for butches. I mean, the bonbons are the reward for doing that, aren't they? We don't do foofy bonbons. Just the beer will do - we use that for sluicing down the grill, which is our contribution to domestic cleanliness.

[info]dirtywhiteboi

May 17 2007, 16:26:48 UTC 5 years ago

Egads thats homo!

dirt

[info]cantusmagus

May 17 2007, 17:03:44 UTC 5 years ago

URGH! I'm not eating a hot dog & cheese on bread just to stroke a butch's ego (or any other part of her) ! :D

[info]paraxeni

May 17 2007, 17:44:34 UTC 5 years ago

I think I sicked up a tiny bit when I saw that 'recipe'. I mean, there wasn't even any Shake'n'Bake on it!

[info]thekerosenekid

May 17 2007, 17:34:42 UTC 5 years ago

Finally! A book that speaks to our community! I am just sick and tired of having to eat all of those awful heterosexual meals at the houses of breeders!

[info]lizaah

May 17 2007, 22:09:21 UTC 5 years ago

I can't wait for the companion edition related to house cleaning and laundry!

[info]eljuno

May 17 2007, 18:17:21 UTC 5 years ago

Oh please. A REAL butch doesn't need any recipes beyond...

1. Pick up phone.
2. Call pizza place.
3. Say 'Supreme with meat. Lots of meat. Grrr.'
4. Wait for delivery boy.
5. Pay.
6. Eat w/ beer.

[info]lizaah

May 17 2007, 22:05:57 UTC 5 years ago

Hey,I resemble that remark! HAHAHAHAHA!

[info]cheshire_bitten

May 18 2007, 01:21:28 UTC 5 years ago

For some reason I read that as "eat delivery boy"

-damn dylexia

[info]train_in_vain

May 17 2007, 19:12:57 UTC 5 years ago

Heh, I am one of those femmes who's all domestic and loves to cook for her special someone. I know you were being sarcastic, though, but it's amusing.

[info]trixtah

May 17 2007, 23:45:47 UTC 5 years ago

Heh, both of my g/fs are better cooks than I am. But man, who needs that "battle of the sexes" patronising crap. I'm very happy for someone to cook for me... but I'm also happy to cook for them. And if they're going to do a cookbook, why does it have to be such slop - I'd be embarrassed to serve most of those recipes.

Actually, I'll have to write a post one day (not here) about the differences and similarities in how butches and femmes take care of each other. It's an interesting one. :-)

[info]saluqi

May 18 2007, 07:28:39 UTC 5 years ago

Ya reckon? I don't think I'm a better cook than you.

Anonymous

May 18 2007, 17:26:14 UTC 5 years ago

Hey, doesn't anyone have a sense of humor anymore? Gawd forbid, a queer publishes anything tongue and cheek these days without offending someone.
I liked the book.

[info]eselgeist

May 20 2007, 06:24:02 UTC 5 years ago

haw haw haw haw :)

this/you are funny :)
thanks for sharing
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